Forgive Me
by starshine.taylor
Summary: Tony disappeared years ago and everyone thought that he was dead. Secrets from the past years come back to haunt him. Is he safe? He puts everyone he loves in danger-but at least he's home. Please, read and review
1. Ghost of you

**A/N: This is a new little project that I am working on :) I hope you enjoy, because I enjoyed writing it, especially Tali. Yes, Ziva named her daughter after her sister!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own NCIS.**

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"Tali," Ziva whispered, gently shaking the little girl in the bed, "it is time to wake up. Rise and shine."

The little girl rolled over on her side, opening her eyes a little. "Good morning momma." She replied sleepily. She rubbed her eyes, and pushed back her wild, curly brown hair so that it was out of her face.

"How did you sleep, sweetie?" Ziva asked, choosing which clothes the girl would wear for the day. She decided on a pair of cargo pants and a black shirt.

"Yeah. Can I go back to sleep please?" She murmured, rolling back onto her stomach.

"No. I have to go to work and you have to go to daycare." She told the girl. She put the clothes on the bed and gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead. "Get dressed and meet me in the kitchen for breakfast."

"What are you fixing?" She asked, sitting up in bed. Ziva knew that her daughter was hoping she would fix french toast, but she didn't have the time.

"Cereal." Ziva replied, watching as her daughters face dropped. "We are running late so hurry."

Ziva quickly went into her bedroom and put on her clothes. She, like Tali, settled for cargo pants and a black shirt. She pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail and then ran a tooth brush over her teeth. She stared at the reflection in the mirror for a long time. Sure, she looked the same on the outside, but on the inside she was a different person.

"Momma." Tali said, coming into the bathroom. "Will you fix my hair?" She handed her mom a brush, twist tie and a ribbon.

"Of course." Ziva said, picking Tali up and sitting her on the counter of the sink.

"Will you tell Boss I said hey?" Tali asked as Ziva pulled her hair up. "McGee too."

"Yes ma'am." Ziva said, smiling.

"Do I have to go to daycare today?" Tali asked, looking up at Ziva with her best puppy dog eyes.

"Yes, because I have to go to work."

"Can't I go to work with you? Please." Tali begged.

Ziva pursed her lips. "Alright."

"Really?" Tali said, beaming. She hopped down off the counter and ran into the hallway.

"Yes. I will make you french toast too, since we have time."

Tali was beaming as she took her mothers hand and led her into the kitchen.

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Everyday on the way to work, Ziva would ride by a cemetery. Not just any cemetery but the cemetery. The cemetery where Tony's memorial had taken place. It had been six years, one month and fifteen days since Tony disappeared.

"Momma?" Tali asked from the backseat. She was looking at the cemetery, her little eyes scanning the rows quickly.

"Yes?" Ziva was weaving in and out of traffic. If anything her driving skills had gotten worse, and she was concentrating on the road ahead.

"Do you think Daddy went to heaven?" Tali asked, looking at her mother carefully. Normally, she hated talking about her father, but she was in a good mood that morning.

"I think he did." Ziva answered slowly. "He was a great man, I wish he was still here." Ziva was surprised by how honest her answer was.

"Me too, mommy." Tali said sadly, looking out the window. "We're here!" She shouted as the pulled into the parking garage at NCIS.

"Abby!" Tali shouted as she ran into the bullpen, and into the arms of the goth.

"Tali!" Abby said, giving the girl a big hug. "I've missed you so much. Let's go down to my lab, because, um, well let's just go down there."

"Okay." Tali said slowly, confused. "Can I play with the big computer again?"

"Sure." Abby said as she walked toward her lab. "I bought you a stuffed animal that farts, not a hippo though because Bart is a hippo. I got a pig, that's fitting-don't you think?"

Ziva heard Tali giggle as they left the bullpen. "Where is Gibbs?" She asked, looking around. She dropped her gear and Tali's "gear" on the floor. She looked at the desk across from hers. The desk had stayed empty ever since Tony died. Gibbs made the new guys sit at the desk towards the back. She was surprised to see a black backpack like hers sitting on the ground.

"Um. Well..." McGee started. "That's what I needed to talk to you about."

"McGee, what is going on?" Ziva asked anxiously, frowning. Abby and Tim were both acting weird this morning.

"Well...Gibbs is talking to the director and well, um, he's talking to, um." McGee stammered.

"Spit it out, McGee!" Ziva said, throwing her hands in the air.

"Well, Ziva, he's um, talking to the director." McGee said.

"You already said that, Tim. Who else?" Ziva asked, exasperated.

"He's talking to To-"McGee began.

"He's talking to me, Probie." Came an instantly familiar voice as he bounced down the stairs.

Standing in front of her was Tony. Her Tony. The Tony that everyone thought was dead. For six years, one month and fifteen days everyone thought he was dead. Ziva. His daughter. McGee. Gibbs. Abby. Ducky. Palmer. Everyone who loved him had grieved for him. They all took turns placing flowers on his grave.

She did not believe what she was seeing. She thought that her eyes must be playing a trick on her. Or that she was still asleep, dreaming, and needed to wake up so she could get Tali to daycare on time. Or maybe this wasn't a dream at all, this was a nightmare and her alarm clock would wake her up any minute and return her to reality.

"Tony." Ziva murmured, taking a step closer to him. He was dressed casual and his dark hair was shaggy, a style he never would have worn six years, one month and fifteen days ago. He had bags under his eyes, as if he hadn't been sleeping much, and he was thinner. Ziva reached out, cupping his face in her hands.

She felt his face under her hands. He was real. This wasn't a dream, not a nightmare. Her eyes weren't playing a trick on her, unless her hands were lying too. Tony wasn't dead. Her Tony was standing right in front of her. She didn't understand what was happening.

"Ziva." He whispered. He leaned in to kiss her, but she quickly stepped back.

Tony was not dead. For six years, one month and fifteen days he made everyone think that he was dead. He did not call. He did not write. He did not come back by. He simply disappeared. Suddenly, Ziva wasn't happy that Tony was alive, she was angry.

She smacked him in the face. The look of shock and hurt on his face almost made her feel bad. Almost.

"Where have you been for the last six years, one month and fifteen days?" She cried.

"That's what I want to know, DiNozzo." Gibbs said, coming up behind Tony and giving him a slap on the head.

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**Please review :) Tell me what you liked or didn't like; or just leave a smiley face :)  
Signed reviews get a sneak peak of the next chapter!  
-Tay **


	2. Secrets in the past

**A/N: Thanks to all of you guys that reviewed/favorites/story alerts! You guys are awesome! I know I promised a sneak peak, but I was in a really good mood and decided to update a lot earlier than I normally would. :) I hope you enjoy this chapter. It has a lot of secrets and angst. I don't want to give anything away, but Tony isn't telling Ziva and Gibbs everything. **

**Today I was listening to Fear by Pauley Perrette as I was writing. :) If you haven't already checked it out, I would. It is an awesome song!**

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"What do you mean?" Tony asked, looking from Ziva to his boss.

"Where were you Tony? We thought you were dead! You did not write, you did not call-you simply disappeared!" Ziva shouted.

Tony shook his head, looking angry. "That's not true! I wrote you every week because I couldn't call you."

"What?" Ziva asked. "You wrote to me?"

"Yeah, every week." Tony said, walking towards her. She automatically took a step back, away from him. "I missed you Ziva, so much."

"Why did you leave, Tony?" Ziva asked, her voice icy. "Why did you even come back?"

"I explained everything in my letters-" Tony began. He looked hurt by her words. _Why did you even come back? Didn't she miss him too?_

"There were no letters, Tony!" Ziva said, her voice rising again.

"Let me explain-" Tony began, but was interrupted by Vance as he made his way into the bullpen.

"Agent DiNozzo." He said, nodding in his direction. "Agent David. If you will follow me up to my office, I will explain everything."

Tony began walking up the stairs, and Ziva silently fell in step behind him. Gibbs looked between his agents, and started up the stairs too. Vance turned around, looking at Gibbs. He raised an eyebrow, twirling the tooth pick in his mouth. "Where do you think you are going Gibbs?"

"With my team." Gibbs answered simply, pushing past Vance.

"This is need to know information, that you don't need to know." Vance said as he walked into his office.

"The hell I don't, Leon. This is my team." Gibbs said, pointing to his two agents.

Tony looked at Vance. "He has a point."

Vance glared at Tony. Then motioned for them to all sit around his table. Ziva took a sit as far away from Tony as she could get.

"Why didn't you give them my letters, Director?" Tony asked. Ziva could see that his eyebrows were knit together, a sure sign that he was frustrated.

"It was risky-" The director began.

"You told me I could explain everything. You told me they would know of my mission." Tony said, slamming his hands on the table.

Vance was silent. He sat in his chair, twirling his tooth pick.

"Mission?" Ziva whispered.

"Yes. My mission." Tony said, lowering his voice. He looked at Vance, raising an eyebrow.

Vance nodded.

Tony let out a breath, and began to talk. "In Boston there is a whole underground world that we didn't know about. Drugs, arms dealing, everything. There was a particularly large group that was made of ex marines-"

"No such thing as an ex marine, DiNozzo." Gibbs said.

"Retired marines." Tony corrected. "Mr. Secretary wanted the Director to take them down. I had to go undercover, start from the beginning, I was a whole different person." Tony shook his head, looking down at his hands resting on the table. "I worked my way up from the bottom, had a high ranking in that world, and when I made it close to the top we brought them down. Now, I'm back. That world thinks that I am serving life in a navy prison. That's all you need to know for now, the rest is classified." Tony said, looking up at Ziva. "I wrote to you every week." He said.

"I couldn't give her the letters." Vance said, finally talking. "I couldn't risk her going after you. It was better to let everyone think you were dead. Gone forever, because there was a change you wouldn't come back."

"You should have called, DiNozzo." Gibbs said.

"Couldn't boss. I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry." Gibbs replied. "It was stupid what you did; disappearing, making everyone think you were dead."

"Better to ask forgiveness then ask permission." Tony said lightly, giving a half hearted smile.

Ziva looked between them. They were talking, smiling. They were acting like Tony hadn't disappeared for six years, one month and fifteen days. Gibbs was acting like he hadn't spent the past years wondering what he could have done to keep his agent alive.

Tony had disappeared because he went undercover. Who knew what happened there. The last time he went undercover he fell in love with Jeanne. He had a different life for six years, one month and fifteen days. He wasn't Tony DiNozzo, NCIS special agent and all around goofy guy. Ziva didn't know who he was or what he did. Ziva didn't know Tony anymore, she realized sadly.

Ziva stood up, walking out of the Directors office she made her way back down to the bullpen. From the balcony she could see Tali sitting in her desk, coloring on some paper. Abby was sitting beside Tali, her eyes glued on the Directors office.

"I am so sorry, Ziva." Abby said, wrapping Ziva in a hug. "I tried to keep Tali in my lab but she wanted to come back up here. You know how scary she can be, she's like a mini ninja. Did you tell Tony about-"

"Ziva." Tony said, interrupting Abby as he jogged down the stairs. "We need to talk."

"Tony!" Abby squealed, running over to him and throwing her arms around him. "I have missed you so much! I thought you were dead, we all did. Where have you been? What have you been doing? Why didn't you call? It was so stupid to just disappear like that! I can't believe you would do that to Ziva!"

"Abby." Tony said, hugging her back, his eyes still on Ziva. "I missed you too, and I promise I will tell you all about it."

Ziva looked at Tali, who was still coloring. How was she going to explain Tali to Tony? How was she going to explain to Tali that her father never died? Tony followed Ziva's eyes, and his own widened in surprise as he looked at Tali. He looked between the two of them, the similarities were astonishing.

"Ziva." Tony whispered, stepping away from Abby.

Tali looked up at the sound of her mom's name being called and smiled at Tony. "Hi!" She said, getting up from her seat to stand behind Ziva's leg. "Who are you? You look a lot like the pictures of my dad that my momma keeps, but he's in heaven living with the angels." Her eyes grew sad as she said the last line.

"I, um, I am going to go down to my, um lab, with McGee." Abby muttered, pulling McGee to the elevator.

"Ziva." Tony whispered again. "Who is that?" His eyes were still glued on Tali.

"Tony," Ziva said, taking in a deep breath. "This is Tali, my daughter. Tali DiNozzo. _Our _daughter."

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**Please review :) It makes me happy. Happy me=faster updates :)  
-Tay **


	3. Whispers of the Dead

**A/N: Hey guys :) Here's the next chapter, I hope you like it! The trailer for Jet Lag looks amazing, I can't wait! Any mistakes are my own, I can never catch my own mistakes :) **

**In the next chapter we'll get to see a little bit of what Tony and Ziva were like when they dated :) I'm having fun writing it! **

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Ziva watched as Tony looked at Tali, then looked back at Ziva. He opened his mouth to say something, then snapped it shut, thinking against it. He ran a hand through his hair, closed his eyes, then walked towards the elevator, without saying a word.

He looked over his shoulder, locking eyes with Ziva, and there was an emotion in them that she couldn't read. An emotion in his eyes that Ziva had never seen before. Regret? Bitterness? She couldn't be sure.

Just a second ago Tony had chased Ziva, trying to talk to her, now it was her turn to chase him. She took a few steps forward, Tali still clutching her leg.

"Tony?" She asked, as the elevator doors opened. He stepped inside and gave her a wistful look, then the elevator doors closed, leaving Ziva on the other side.

"Mommy?" Tali asked, looking up at her mother. Ziva was still staring at the elevator doors, then Tali pulled on her pant leg. "Mommy!" She whined.

Ziva looked down at her daughter. "Yes?"

"Who was that?" Tali asked, looking confused.

Ziva shot Gibbs a help me look, and got a shrug of the shoulder instead of help. "Why don't ya take the day off Ziva?" Gibbs asked, picking up her bags and walking them over to where she stood frozen in front of the elevator.

"I do not need pity," Ziva said, clearing her throat. "I do not need a day off."

Gibbs gave her a long, measured look before finally nodding his head. "Okay."

"Mommy." Tali said, stomping her foot.

"Tali, why don't you go play with Abby?" Gibbs said, taking her hand and leading her towards Abby's office.

"Okay." Tali said, reluctantly, shrugging her shoulders. "Is mommy okay?" She whispered, looking up at Gibbs.

"Yeah, kiddo." Gibbs said, ruffling her hair.

Ziva walked over to her desk, dropping her bags again. She slumped down in her chair, feeling confused and hurt. She didn't know what was happening and she didn't know what she was going to do. Truth was, she didn't know if she was okay.

The only thing she knew was that she needed Tony.

She needed Tali.

She needed them both.

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Tony walked around the parking garage, looking for his car. When he finally found his car, he walked by it.

His head was spinning.

He had a kid. A daughter.

He and Ziva _had_ a daughter.

A daughter that he had never meet until today.

A daughter that thought he was _dead_.

He ran a hand through his hair, walking to the nearest liquor store. He walked in, buying the strongest thing his hands could find.

After he bought his liquor, he kept walking. He didn't know where he was going, so he was surprised when he looked up to see the sign of the cemetery.

Not just any cemetery, but the cemetery where Jenny was buried. He walked through the rows of headstones, stopping by the instantly familiar one. He sank down against the headstone, leaning his head back.

He opened his bottle of liquor and took a big gulp. He actually enjoyed the burn of the liquor as it made its way down his throat. He took another drink and another, enjoying each one more than the first. By the tenth swig he was feeling good, really good.

"Jenny," he said. "I really screwed up. Messed up real bad."

"I have a kid, Jenny." he muttered. "Me and Ziva have a kid. She thought I was dead. They both did. They all did. I don't know how to be a dad. I never had a dad, not a real one. Gibbs was the only person like father to me, then I left. For six years I left. People change ya know?"

He took another drink, and closed his eyes.

When Tony woke up the sky was turning dark. The moon was shinning in the sky, and the stars were twinkling above. He had a huge headache, and was stiff all over. He stood up and stretched, groaning.

"Thanks for listening, Jenny." He said, as he started walking away.

He didn't know where he was going. He didn't have a home. He didn't have friends, well he had friends, but they all hated him at the moment. He could always go to Abby's house, she was the most forgiving.

He was nearing the end of the cemetery when something caught his eye. It was a small plaque in the ground, simple. Tony's breath caught in his throat as it read the words '_In memory of Tony DiNozzo. Beloved father, son and lover.'_

He suddenly realized where he wanted to be. He wanted to be with Ziva. He wanted to get to know his daughter. He wanted a family. Going there, to his family, was next to impossible right now, so he went to the one place where he knew there was always an open door. Literally.

He went to Gibbs.

"Hey, Boss, your door was open. Some things never change." Tony said, walking down the stairs into Gibbs basement. He wasn't surprised to see a half finished boat in the middle of the room.

"DiNozzo, things do change." Gibbs replied, pulling up a seat for Tony.

Tony sat down, putting a hand to his temple.

"Would offer ya a drink, but you look like you got one." Gibbs said, nodding toward the empty bottle in Tony's hand.

"I'm sorry, Gibbs." Tony said, looking down at his hands, twirling the empty bottle. "About everything."

Gibbs nodded. "Anything you want to talk about?"

Tony shook his head, then nodded. "What's she like?"

"Who?" Gibbs asked, knowing exactly who Tony was talking about.

"Tali." Tony said, trying the words out on his lips. He liked it, a lot.

Gibbs took a glass jar and dumped the nuts and bolts out onto the counter. He took his bourbon down from the shelf and poured himself some. He took a swig, then sat down in front of Tony. "She's a smart kid. A lot like her mom. Real sweet too."

Tony smiled, Tali would turn out just fine with a mom like Ziva. "You think I'll make a good dad?"

Gibbs nodded, giving him a small smile. "I think so, Tony."

Tony shrugged. "I don't want to turn out like my dad."

"You won't, DiNozzo. You're not him." Gibbs said, drinking the last of his bourbon. "I was scared when we found out Shannon was pregnant."

Tony was shocked, Gibbs didn't talk about his personal life. "You had time though, I don't have any. I don't want to mess this up."

"You won't, but you need to talk to Ziva" Gibbs said.

Tony was silent. He didn't know what to say.

"Go upstairs. Get some sleep. You had a rough day, we all did." Gibbs said after several moments of silent between the two.

Tony nodded and started walking up the stairs. "Thanks, Boss." Tony said.

"Hey DiNozzo." Gibbs called after him. "I'm watching Tali tomorrow, giving Ziva a break, thought you would want to know."

Tony nodded, understanding what Gibbs was implying. "Thanks, Boss."

"Anytime, DiNozzo."

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**Please review :) Signed reviews get a sneak peak of the next chapter!  
-Tay!**


	4. An American Hero

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the reviews/favorites/story alerts. You guys really are the best! :)  
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**I hope you like this chapter, I had a lot of fun writing it because it shows you a little about Tali and Ziva and their relationship. **

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_ "It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity,  
covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone." -Rose Kennedy _

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Ziva was laying on her side, staring at the picture of her and Tony on her bedside table. The couple looked happy, smiling as they stood in front of the Eiffel Tower.

_"Tony where are we going?" Ziva asked as Tony guided her up a long walk. Back in the hotel he had blindfolded her, saying he didn't want her to see anything until they were there, which was useless. It was Paris after all and Ziva had seen all of Paris, mostly while she was working, but she had still seen it._

_"We're almost there sweet cheeks!" Tony exclaimed, coming to a sudden halt. He twirled Ziva around and moved her a little to the left. "Okay, I'm going to take your blindfold off, don't open your eyes until I tell you."_

_Ziva rolled her eyes, knowing that Tony couldn't see her, but closed her eyes like he asked. Tony reached up and untied the blindfold, his hands caressing her cheek first. "Open your eyes." He whispered standing behind her, close to her ear. _

_Ziva did as she was told, and drew in a breath. Tony had brought her to the Eiffel Tower, the lights surrounding them glowing brightly, the stars above them twinkling, it was beautiful. Sure, she had seen the Eiffel Tower before, but never like this, at night it looked magical._

_"Happy Anniversary, Ziva." Tony whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist._

_"Thank you, Tony. It is beautiful." She said, turning around to give him a soft kiss on the lips._

_"Not as beautiful as you." He said, brushing a piece of hair behind her ears._

_Ziva snorted and Tony laughed. "Was that too corny?" He asked._

_"Just a little my little hairy butt."_

"Mommy?" a voice asked, pulling Ziva from her memory and jerking her into the present. Tali was standing in her door way in her _My Little Pony_ night gown, clutching an old bear to her chest.

Ziva quickly glanced at the clock, it was twelve thirty.

"What is wrong, Tali?" Ziva asked, sitting up.

"I had a nightmare and couldn't go back to sleep." She said softly, rubbing her eyes. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Of course." Ziva said, pulling the covers back and patting the bed. Tali ran over, jumping into bed and snuggling with her mother.

"Momma?" she asked suddenly. Tali was looking at the picture of her mother and father in Paris, the same picture Ziva had been staring at when she entered.

"Yes?"

"Was that man my daddy?" Tali asked gently. Ziva had hoped that her daughter would not bring the subject up, but her daughter was a smart girl.

Ziva remained silent for a moment, pursing her lips. She did not know how to explain this to her. She finally decided that going with the truth would be best. "Yes."

"Where is he now?"

"I am not sure." Ziva said, playing with her daughters hair.

"Why is he not in heaven?" Tali asked, confused. "I thought you said he lived with angels?"

"I am going to let him explain that to you, sweetie." Ziva said softly.

She did not know all the details herself, and was sure Tony could explain it better than she could. She hoped Tony would stay around long enough to explain it, she hoped he would stay forever.

Tali nodded. "Why did he leave again?"

"I am not sure." Ziva said, she wondered the same thing.

"He doesn't want me, does he?" Tali asked softly, and even though she couldn't see her daughters face, she knew her eyes were filling with tears.

"No, sweetie." Ziva said softly, smoothing Tali's hair. "He just needs time. He loves you." Ziva hoped that she was telling her daughter the truth. She desperately wanted Tony to be in Tali's life, Tali needed a father. She wanted a father. She deserved a father. She deserved a family.

Tali didn't say anything for a while.

"Goodnight, Tali." Ziva said softly, giving her daughter a kiss on the cheek. She reached over, turning the lamp on the table beside them off, the room growing dark.

"Momma?" Tali asked again.

"Yes?" Ziva sighed, exhausted.

She did not want to talk about Tony anymore. She did not want to think about him. She wanted to go to sleep and wake up in the morning to discover this was all a nightmare. A very realistic, confusing, hurtful nightmare.

Tali, obviously, had other ideas. "Will you tell me that story about daddy again?"

Ziva groaned inwardly, but agreed nonetheless because it was Tali's favorite bedtime story.

"Once upon a time, mommy was in a very bad place." Ziva began.

"In Africa!" Tali chimed in, happy to know parts of the story.

"Yes, in Africa. They were very bad people." Ziva whispered, the story taking her back to her past. Back to a scary time that she worked so hard to forget, not that the memories ever faded away. She remembered that summer every time she looked in the mirror, every time she saw her scars. It had gotten easier to talk about as time passed, after all, time was the healer of all wounds.

She only told the story because it painted Tony as a hero, and that's how she wanted Tali to remember Tony.

"They didn't like NCIS." Tali said sadly, shaking her little head, her curls flying. "Because they were bad guys and bad guys don't like cops."

"That is right." Ziva said, smiling a little. "Mommy had been locked in a tower for a long time. The tower was guarded by a lot of scary soldiers."

"And daddy didn't know where you were, right?" Tali asked, growing sleepy.

"Yes, but him, McGee and Abby found me." Ziva began before she could get interrupted by Tali again. "They thought that I was really hurt, so they came to save me and when I saw your daddy's face, I knew everything was going to be okay."

"Boss was there too," Tali said, her eyes closing. "but daddy was the hero."

"Yes he was." Ziva said softly. "He still is."

"I want to grow up to be just like you mommy." Tali said. "I want to be like daddy, too."

"How is that, sweetie?" Ziva asked.

"I want to be a hero."

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**Please review :) Signed reviews get a sneak peak of the next chapter :)  
-Tay **


	5. Love isn't Always Enough

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry I haven't been able to update in so long. FanFiction wouldn't let me upload any documents for a couple of days, but here it is! This week has been crazy because I got my license :) **

**Who watched Jet Lag, wasn't it amazing? If you haven't already, you should go read my Jet Lag tag, _What Happens in Paris, Stays in Paris. _**

**I really hope you guys like this chapter, and I'll upload the next one Tuesday. **

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_"There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love."_ -Bryant H. McGill

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"Boss!" Tali shouted as she ran into Gibbs house, hugging his legs. "I'm read for the sleep over!"

"Are ya, Tali?" Gibbs said.

"Yeah!" She nodded enthusiastically. "Can we go downstairs and build the boat?"

"Yup." Gibbs said, a smile turning up the corner of his lips.

"Are you still naming it after me?" Tali asked, raising her little eyebrows with a smile.

Gibbs laughed. "Of course I am."

"Can you tell me a bedtime story tonight?" Tali asked, she was holding her doll dressed as a princess in her hand, she held it up to show Gibbs. "About Princesses?"

"Sure." Gibbs said "You can go put your bags in your room."

Tali gave her mother a hug before she ran off into the guest room at Gibbs house. "Bye Momma!" She said over her shoulder, her brown hair bouncing as she ran.

"Thank you, Gibbs." Ziva said, giving Gibbs a soft smile.

"No problem Ziver, ya know I don't mind watching her." Gibbs said.

Ziva pursed her lips but didn't say anything.

"Something you wanna ask?" Gibbs questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Well..." Ziva said, chewing on her bottom lip. "Have you talked to Tony?"

"Not since this morning." Gibbs said honestly. "He woke up before I did."

"He slept here?" Ziva questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Where else was he going to stay?"

Ziva's heart sunk. "Is he going to stay here tonight?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Go home Ziva, get some rest."

Later that night Ziva sat curled up on the sofa, a blanket resting on her legs. She was reading a novel that she recently bought at a bookstore and drinking a cup of tea. There was some soft music playing in the background and she was enjoying herself, until there was a knock on the door. She opened the door without looking to see who it was then had the urge to slam the door shut.

As if reading her mind, Tony reached out, putting a hand on the door. "Hey."

"Hello." She replied coolly.

"We need to talk." He said, his voice soft and smooth.

She noticed that he had gotten a hair cut and shaved. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans and an Ohio State sweatshirt. He looked as if nothing had changed. He looked like the old Tony and it made her heart break a little, because he wasn't the old Tony and she wasn't the old Ziva.

"We are talking." She pointed out.

"You know what I mean." He said as he walked past her into the house.

"Please, come in." Ziva muttered sarcastically.

"It's still my house." Tony said, giving her a charming smile.

Ziva glared at him.

"Technically." He muttered.

"I am not sure how they look at dead people coming back to life as homeowners." Ziva snapped, sarcastically.

They were both quiet for a moment.

"I'm sorry." Tony said, taking a step closer to Ziva.

Ziva took an awkward step back, then went to sit on the edge of the couch. "Do not apologize, it is a sign of weakness."

Tony shook his head. "Not between us. Ziva, I'm so sorry."

"You have already said that." Ziva said coolly.

"Well, do you forgive me?"

Ziva didn't say anything for a while, then she exhaled. "Tony, you know that I love you." She whispered.

Tony took a step towards her and leaned down, kissing her softly on the lips.

Ziva didn't fight him, she didn't push him away. Instead, Ziva gave him a soft kiss back, savoring the taste of his lips.

The lips she had missed so much.

The lips she had dreamed about kissing again.

Tony pulled back, a small smile on his beautiful lips.

"So it's that easy?" He asked, hopefully. "You forgive me?"

Ziva shook her head slowly. "I do love you." Ziva said, continuing her earlier thought. "But sometimes, love is not always enough."

Tony's smile quickly evaporated from his face. "You don't mean that, Ziva."

Ziva nodded. "Right now, love is not enough to forgive you."

"Why?" He whispered.

"Why?" Ziva mimicked, her voice growing louder. "You left, Tony!"

"I already explained that!" Tony said, his voice growing louder to match hers. "I didn't have a choice!"

"You always have a choice, Tony. You just chose wrong."

"No, Ziva." He said through gritted teeth. "I didn't have a choice."

"Did Vance put a gun to your head, threaten to kill you?" She yelled. "I thought you were dead! Do you know how it feels to lose so many people you love?"

When Tony didn't say anything she shook her head. "Leave." She said. "Now."

Tony locked eyes with Ziva but didn't say anything. The look in his eyes, the sadness and the hurt, was almost enough for Ziva to throw her arms around him and say she forgave him. Almost.

"Can I see her?" Tony asked softly, getting to his feet.

Ziva wanted to say no, that Tali was her daughter, but she knew Tali deserved her father. "Yes." Ziva said, walking Tony to the door. "She is with Gibbs."

"I know." Tony said standing by the door. He reached into the pocket inside his jacket and pulled out a bundle of letters. "Here's some of the letters I sent you, Vance gave them to me when I went to see him earlier." Tony explained, handing the bundle to Ziva. "They explain somethings but the others..." He trailed off.

"Are classified." Ziva finished.

Tony nodded.

She took the bundle and placed it on the table. "Goodbye, Tony."

He walked over to Ziva, putting his hands on her shoulders. He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I love you." He whispered in her ear.

Then he left, leaving her standing all alone in her doorway, a tear rolling down the side of her face. She quickly wiped it away before responding with a soft "I love you too", after the door slammed shut.

* * *

**Don't forget to review :)  
Signed reviews get a preview of the next chapter.  
-Tay **


	6. I Wouldn't Care

**A/N: I hope you guys like this chapter, it's giving us a little of what happened on the night Tony disappeared. I'm excited for the next chapter! Tony and Tali talk for the first time! :) Tali is always a lot of fun to write because she is so much like her mom and Tony. **

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_"Sometimes you have to be apart from people you love, but that doesn't mean you love them any less. Sometimes it even makes you love them more." -The Last Song_

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Ziva was sitting in her bed, trying to get lost in the beautiful world of her book, but after Tony's visit she couldn't. She couldn't think straight, because right beside her there was a bundle of letters.

Letters that Tony had faithfully wrote her, every week for the last six years and one month.

She sat her book down and looked at the letters for a long time.

She wanted to read them, wanted to know the words Tony put down on paper for her to read, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to open them. Taking a deep breath she gently picked up the bundle and looked at the envelopes, all addressed to her.

She picked up the first envelope and gently opened it, pulling out the letter inside. It was dated a couple of days after Tony disappeared, it was the first letter and it was written in Tony's messy but cute handwriting.

**Ziva,**

**If you're reading this letter then Vance has already made me disappear. I know that I left at a bad time and I said some things I didn't mean, but I had to get out of that house. I had to leave without you following me. I'm sorry for everything that I said that night and I didn't mean any of it, that's not the reason why I left. I don't know what Vance has already told you or what you've figured out on your own but I don't want you to worry. I'm just following orders, SecNav's orders. I'm going to be gone for a long time, how long I don't know, but I promise that I'm going to write you every week. **

**I wish that I could call you, to hear your beautiful voice one more time. God Zi, I love you so much. I wouldn't be doing this right now if I didn't love you. There is so much that you need to know but you can't know yet. Just know that I love you and that I'm thinking about you every minute of every day. You are always in my heart, and I hope I can come home soon. **

**I love you, **

**Tony**

Ziva felt a tear roll down her cheek and cursed herself for being weak. Her thoughts were on the night he disappeared, the horrible fight they got in and the ugly words that they said.

_Ziva glanced at Tony and smiled. He was looking at her, staring at her and his gaze made her shiver. She was expecting him to smile back at her, but he didn't, he just continued to stare._

_This worried Ziva. Tony had been acting weird all week. He seemed to be stuck in his own little world, in his head. He wasn't talking to anyone at work, and he was actually getting work done. At home he would just stare at Ziva or stare out into space. Sometimes he would turn the television on, but he wasn't watching anything on the screen. _

"_Tony?" Ziva asked softly. "What is wrong?" _

_Tony quickly glanced at his watch and his expression dropped. "I don't know if I can do this anymore. I don't know if I love you." _

_Ziva's heart dropped. "What?" She placed her hands on her stomach, then quickly let them drop by her side. He didn't know about the baby yet, she had just found out herself and was waiting for their anniversary, only weeks away, to tell him. _

"_I don't know if I can do this anymore. Me and you. It's just not working out." He said quickly, standing up from his position on the couch. _

_Ziva's head was spinning. Nothing had been wrong, they had been happy and in love. What did Tony mean it wasn't working out? Everything was perfect. "What?" she repeated. _

_A funny look crossed Tony's face. It was of rage and regret. Of pity and pure madness. "I said we aren't working out, Ziva." Tony said, his voice cold as ice. "It was a mistake. Us being anything other than partners." _

_Tony's words hurt, cutting into her skin like ice, but Ziva would not let Tony see her cry. She was hormonal because of the baby but she was still Ziva, she was still strong. "You do not mean that, Tony." She said, her voice firm. _

_Tony's face instantly grew softer. "Maybe I don't. Maybe I do. I just need time to think Ziva. Be by myself for a little while." He started walking towards the door. _

_Ziva wanted to beg Tony to stay. He didn't mean what he was saying, Ziva knew that. What they had was love, it was perfect, but that's not what she said. "If you leave Tony, you are not coming back. If you walk out that door, I do not care what happens to you. You could die and it would not bother me." _

_Ziva was shocked by her own words, she didn't mean them. It was just something she said in the heat of the moment and she had no doubt her and Tony would work out their fight. They fought all the time, over stupid things, and this fight was no different than any of the others they had. _

_Tony didn't say anything as he walked out the door, it slamming shut firmly behind him. Ziva collapsed on the couch, silent tears streaming down her face. _

It was only two hours later that Tony's car was discovered ran off the side of the road, engulfed in flames. No body was ever found but NCIS investigated and ruled Tony dead, the bomb that blew up his precious Mustang also claiming his life.

What Ziva said that night _'You could die and it would not bother me.'_ wasn't true, of course. She blamed herself everyday for Tony's death. She thought that if she said something different he wouldn't have left. He would have stayed and helped her raise Tali.

But he wasn't dead.

He didn't mean the things he said to her that night.

He did love her. He still loved her. He never stopped loving her.

She loved him, she had never stopped.

And now she knew what it felt like to lose him, and she wasn't ever going to lose him again.

He was here for her and he was there for Tali.

Maybe, Ziva thought, we can get through this.

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**Please review and tell me what you thought :)  
Signed reviews get a preview, of course.  
-Tay**


	7. Jinx

**A/N: Sorry for the delay-I wanted to get this down just right, and I'm pretty happy with it :) I hope you guys like it, of course. I want to thank all of the wonderful people that read this story and everyone that has reviewed, favorite or put either this story or me on your alerts, because you guys are awesome!**

**I'm working on _another _story which I will post after this story is complete! It's about Tony and Ziva's teenaged daughter, her name isn't Tali it's Kate, and Tony never left, so it's basically a whole different setting. I'm _sooooo _excited about it!**

**-Taylor **

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_There's two things I know for sure: She was sent here from heaven and she's daddy's little girl. -Butterfly Kisses; Bob Carlisle _

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Tony pulled into Gibbs driveway and turned off his car, he sat in there for a little longer, his head spinning.

This was the first time he was going to talk to his daughter. The first time he would see her and actually know who she was. It was a great feeling that he had swirling around in him, happiness and joy at being a father, but there was also something darker that was clouding his emotions. Fear. He was afraid of what his daughter would think of him.

What if she didn't like him because he stayed away for so long? What if she thought he was a lousy dad? What if she never forgave him for leaving her mom? The questions and worries kept spilling from his mind, and he gripped the stirring wheel.

_Get it together, Tony. _He thought. _This is your kid, she has to love you and why wouldn't she? You're awesome. _This calmed him a little, and the corner of his lips turned into a small smile, but even as he joked about it, he knew this was a big deal.

Then there was the voice that whispered _You're already a lousy dad, just like your father. _He ignored this voice, because he knew he was nothing like his dad. Their situations weren't even the same. If he had the chance he would be there for Tali, always and forever.

With conflicted emotions he got out of the car. Taking a deep breath he walked into Gibbs house, the door unlocked, and made his way to the basement where they would no doubt be. Tony stood at the top of the stairs, watching Gibbs and Tali.

"What are you going to do with the boat when we finish?" Tony heard a little, sweet, voice ask, it was Tali. She was sitting on a stool, sanding the side of the boat as Gibbs stood beside her, sanding his own section.

"I don't know." Gibbs said, pausing for a moment to look over at the little girl. "What do you think I should do with it?"

"Can you give it to me and mommy?" Tali asked sweetly, looking at Gibbs with a wide smile.

Gibbs chuckled and concentrated on his sanding again. "Sure, Tali."

Tali stop sanding her part of the boat and looked around the basement. "There isn't any doors." She observed.

"Uh-uh" Gibbs said.

"Then how will you get it out?"

"I'm going to-" Tony started easing down the stairs so he could hear the answer to the question when Gibbs looked up from his sanding, to see Tony silenty making his way down the stairs.

"DiNozzo." Gibbs said, raising an eyebrow. "How long have you been there?"

"A while." Tony admitted. "You're not as good as you use to be."

"The hell I'm not." Gibbs said. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see Tali." Tony said, looking at the little girl. His little girl.

Gibbs looked at Tali, then back at DiNozzo. He went and met Tony on the stairs. "Talk to Ziva?" He asked softly.

They were both looking at Tali, who was also looking at them. She lifted her small hand and waved, looking uncertain. They both gave her a smile and waved back.

Tony nodded. "Yeah we had a fight."

"Huh." Gibbs said.

"Huh what?"

"Just huh, DiNozzo. Is she okay with this?"

Tony looked at his boss and smiled. "Of me and you talking? Of course she is boss, you're still my boss-"

Gibbs raised his eyebrows, and Tony stopped talking.

"Right. With me talking to Tali." Tony realized. "Of course she is."

Gibbs nodded. "I'll be upstairs." He said as he started jogging the stairs.

"Wait, Boss." Tony said before Gibbs made it to the top of the stairs. "How _are_ you going to get the boat out of the basement?" He asked.

Gibbs didn't say anything, just smirked at Tony and left, leaving Tony all alone with his daughter, who was staring up at him with her big brown eyes.

"Um. Hi" Tony said awkwardly as he took a chair and sat down beside her stool.

"Hello." She said, her eyes searching him, memorizing his face.

"Do you know who I am?" Tony asked softly.

"You're my daddy." She said firmly.

"Yeah." Tony said, smiling. "How old are you?"

"I'm five!" She said proudly, holding up her five fingers.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." Tony said softly.

"My daddy was dead." She said, raising her little eyebrows. "You're not dead now."

"I was never dead." Tony said.

"You didn't die?" She asked, confused.

"No."

"Then why did mommy tell me that?" Her tone was one of confusion and hurt.

"I had to leave." Tony said. He didn't want to have to go into all the details, she was only five years old, she didn't need to know everything.

"Why did you leave?"

"I had to."

"Did you not want me?" She asked, and her voice broke on the word want and her eyes grew misty.

Tony's heart broke into a million pieces as he watched his daughters eyes fill with tears. _'Did you not want me?'_ echoed in Tony's head, he saw her sad little face and all of a sudden he felt sick. He reached out and took his daughters hands in his, he wasn't used to all this talking about your feelings and looking out for other people.

He wasn't used to being a father, and was going to start trying to be the best father he could to Tali.

"Of course I do." Tony said, and it was the truth. He had never thought about having kids of his own, he always thought he would be the _bachelor_. The guy who could sleep with a different women every night of the week and be happy.

That was until he met Ziva. Ziva who challenged him to be a better person, she was the one person that knew him best in this world. Ziva was the love of his life, and they already had a kid together. A beautiful daughter, and he couldn't think of anyone else he would rather have a kid with. Ziva and Tali were his everything, and he was going to work harder to get his everythings back.

"Then why did you leave?" Tali asked, taking her hands away from her dads.

"I had to work." Tony said, and even in his own ears the excuse didn't sound reasonable.

"Did you work with angels?" Tali asked, a smiling growing on her face.

"Uh, sure." Tony said, giving her a small smile. It was a lie, of course, because the people he had spent the last six years with were the opposite of angels. They were demons.

But, smiles were better than tears, a lot better.

"Was it awesome? Angels are pretty."

"Yes they are." Tony said. "But I wish I didn't have to work then, so I could be with you."

"You're here now. Are you staying forever?" Tali asked, turning away from Tony and sanding her part of the boat again.

"Yeah. Forever and always." Tony said, and picked up the sandpaper Gibbs had laid down. He started sanding another section of the boat when a little squeal made him stop abruptly.

"That is NOT how you do it." Tali said, her little hands flying over to Tony's. She gently turned his hand in the opposite direction it was facing, and started moving it up and down. "With the grain." she said softly and let go of his hands, smiling at her handy work. "Good job." She said after she watched him for a few moments.

"Thanks." Tony said, laughing at his daughter.

"You're welcome." Tali said softly.

They were silent for a moment while they worked on the boat.

"Did you miss me?" Tali asked.

"Of course I did." Tony said softly. It wasn't technically a lie, he didn't know about her, but if he had known about her, he would have missed her.

"Good." She said. "I missed you too."

"Good." Tony said, smiling.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked from the top of the stairs.

"Yeah, Boss?" Tony and Tali yelled back at the same time, giving each other a smile.

"Jinx!" Tali called, boucing off of her stool.

"I owe you a soda?" Tony asked.

Tali shook her head, her curls bouncing. "Ice cream!"

"How about we go out for ice cream tomorrow?" Tony asked, standing up.

"Okay." Tali said and then she ran up to him and hugged his legs. Tony smiled, then gently bent down to give her a small hug back.

"Tali! It's bedtime." Gibbs said, and you could practically hear his smile.

* * *

**Please review :)  
Because not only do you get a preview, but you make me happy!  
-Tay**


	8. Pink Paint and Pizza

**A/N: Hi guys! Here's the newest chapter of _Forgive Me, _and I really hope you like it :) It's acting as sort of a filler chapter and I'm pretty sure you guys are going to kill me in a couple of more chapters, a lot of angst and hurt, but it's going to be awesome, if I do say so myself. **

**I want to thank all of my wonderful reviewers, we've made it to the 115 mark and it's soooo exciting. I also want to thank everyone who has this story or me on their alert and everyone who has added this story or me to their favorites. You guys are the reason why I keep writing. :) **

* * *

_Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking.  
There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught. -J.C. Watts_

* * *

The sun was shining brightly in the cloudless blue sky, and Tony could hear some birds chirping from the trees. Everything was in full bloom, which seemed to make the world look a little happier. The grass was as green as it would ever be and the weather was perfect, he wished that it would be this type of weather all year long.

Tony thought this was the type of day a father would take his little girl to the park and buy her an ice cream cone, so that's exactly what he did. It worked out perfectly sinced he owed Tali an ice cream from the night before. He got a large vanilla cone and Tali had a small cup of cookies-n-cream. Tony pushed Tali on the swings, and chased her around the park, he told her funny jokes and she giggled all day long. It was like he never left, like they had been having father-daughter dates her whole life. Tali was absolutely glowing and Tony was enjoying every moment he got to spend with his daughter and he would never take another moment with anyone he cared about for granted. He had been without them for so long, and he finally had them back.

They played together from the time she got up until the sun was dropping down over the horizon, the first stars starting to shine. He didn't even think to call and ask Ziva, he was still new to this parenting thing, so he was surprised when he dropped Tali off at her house to find a very angry Ziva David, and if he was being honest, she still scared him.

"Tali." Ziva hissed between her teeth. "Go to your room."

Tali looked up at Tony and bit her lip.

In that moment alone, she looked exactly like Ziva.

"Daddy's in trouble." She whispered as she passed Tony on the way to her room.

Tony grimaced and watched as his daughter walked down the hall, going into the room at the very end, and slamming the door shut behind her.

"You kept her out all day! She has to go to daycare in the morning, now she will be so exhausted she will not want to get up. I said you could see her not kidnap her for the day! Tony, you cannot just pick up my daughter when ever you want to. You should have called and asked me-" Ziva said, surprising Tony by keeping her voice as normal as she could.

"Our daughter." Tony interrupted, giving Ziva a pointed look.

"My daughter." Ziva stressed, forgetting her original argument for a minute. "I raised her."

"Ziva you're going to have to forgive me eventually." Tony said. He walked forward, looking deep into Ziva's eyes. He smiled a little when she didn't back up or punch him, this was safe.

"Why do I have to forgive you?" Her voice was as cold as ice, piercing Tony's heart with her indifference.

"It was my orders." Tony explained. "The Ziva I knew told me to never disobey a direct order."

"That is not fair."

"You follow your orders, I followed mine."

Ziva was silent for a moment, her lips pursed in consideration. In the silence Tony could hear the soft laughter of his daughter a few rooms away.

"Did you read my letters?" He asked.

"One." Ziva admitted, fidgeting with her hands.

Tony knew that was something she did when she was nervous, and was glad that he still made her nervous.

"Just one?" Tony asked.

"I fell asleep." She said.

"What did you think of the letter?"

"I was relieved to know that you did not mean the things you said that night."

"I can't believe you actually bought the crap I was saying."

"I-" Ziva began, but was cut off by a piercing scream.

"Momma!" Tali cried, emerging from her room. Tony's jaw dropped when he caught a look at her. She had went into her room and covered her hands with pink paint. She had then proceeded to get the paint on her face and hair, she looked hilarious and Tony couldn't help but laugh,

"Tali!" Ziva scowled. She looked at Tony and gave him the smallest of smiles. "Look at what your daughter did!"

_Your daughter. _Tony really loved the sound of that.

Tony gave Ziva his most charming smile, and watched as she disappeared with Tali down the hall.

Ziva was still in the bathroom with Tali, trying to get all of the paint out of her hair, when Tony smelt something burning.

"Ziva!" He called, walking into the kitchen. He opened the door to the oven, and it spit back nasty black smoke, making him gag. He quickly pulled the black mass out of the oven and placed it on the counter. "Ziva!" He said more loudly. "Sweetchecks, come here!"

Tony heard Ziva tell Tali she would be right back, and heard her stomp her way down the hall.

"Do not call me sweetchecks!" Ziva hissed, the arms of her shirt pushed up to her elbows. "What do you want, Tony." She sounded tired, angry and a little exasperated.

Tony couldn't help but think she looked beautiful, even covered with soapy water and looking very much like a mom. It was surprising, but the mom look suited her.

Tony pointed to the pan and crinkled his nose. "Whatever that is, I don't want any."

Ziva looked at the pan and smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand. With a sigh she said "I cannot believe this. That was supper." She shot an angry glare at Tony and pointed at him. "This is all your fault." She said, turning around and walking back down the hall.

Tony wasn't sure what was his fault. The fact that they could barley carry on a conversation? That his daughter grew up without a father for the first five years of her life? That dinner was burnt? Or maybe the fact that Ziva was washing pink paint out of Tali's hair? Ziva was right though, all of this was his fault.

"I'll just order a pizza!" He called after her and chuckled.

Later that night Tony sat on the couch, Tali was fast asleep in his lap, and Ziva was sitting on the other end of the couch, as far away from Tony as she could get.

When the pizza had arrived Tony tried to leave, but Tali started crying and ran after him. She grabbed his legs and said "Daddy please don't go again."

When he asked her why she said she didn't want her daddy to die again or go back to work. Tony and Ziva had tried to explain that Tony wasn't going anywhere, but nothing worked. She stomped her foot and said if her daddy went, she was going with him.

Tony and Ziva exchanged startled looks, and reluctantly Ziva agreed to let Tony stay until it was time for bed.

They ate in front of the TV, watching a Disney movie that Tony knew every word to, which he quoted during the movie. Sometimes Ziva and Tali would know the lines and say them along with Tony.

To Tony the evening felt perfect and passed too quickly, and Ziva felt the same way, though she was not going to admit that to Tony.

"I'll go put her to bed." Tony said, picking his daughter up gently so he wouldn't wake her.

After Tony laid her down, giving her a soft kiss on the forehead, he went back into the living room. He stood against the wall with his hands in his pockets. "I guess I'm gone." He told Ziva, glancing at his watch. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"You are coming back?" Ziva asked, she didn't sound surprised.

"I never quit." Tony replied.

Ziva was silent.

"I really do love you, Ziva." Tony reminded her. He walked over to where she still sat on the couch, and traced her jaw. When he saw that she wasn't going to fight him off his fingers quickly made their way over her lips, her lips parted softly and she gave a little sigh. He leaned in and brushed his lips softly against hers, and smiled when she fight his kiss.

He got up to leave, and gave her a smile.

"Tony?" She said quietly, getting off the couch.

"Yeah?" His heart leaped in his chest.

"It is late. You can stay tonight." She pushed past him and made her way down the hall. "But you have to sleep on the couch." She called over her shoulder.

_That's okay, _Tony thought, _at least I'm on the inside for now. _

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**Don't forget to review and you'll get your preview!  
-Tay**


	9. I Love You Too

**So, I want to thank all of my beautiful, faithful readers/reviewers because you are truly the best and I am soooo sorry that I haven't updated in forever. Please don't kill me. School, work and life in general has been crazy, but I promise you that you're going to start getting weekly updates again. This is the last fluffy/halfway happy chapter before we go on a pretty messy rollercoaster, but it'll be fun. :)**

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"Ducky, my man!" Tony said, with a huge smile on his face, as he walked into the autopsy room. It was his first morning back to work on team Gibbs and he was more than happy to be there. He felt like he finally belonged somewhere again.

Tony wasn't surprised to see Jimmy Palmer standing in the middle of the autopsy room, his dorky glasses sliding down his nose and a big ceshire cat grin spreading across his face. Even in the six years Tony had been gone Jimmy hadn't changed, he looked like the little boy he always had. Tony was surprised to see Jimmy's hand digging deep into the abdomen of the corpse that was laying stiffly on the thin, metal table.

"Tony!" Jimmy exclaimed, pulling his hands out of the body's abdomen and putting an organ gently aside to be measured. Tony looked at the thing Jimmy had just pulled out of the body and suddenly felt sick. "Sorry," Jimmy said quickly, turning an unflattering shade of red, "I'm just weighing the liver."

Tony nodded, and turned around until his back was to the liver. He gently cursed himself, he was acting like a Probie. He had been away from this part of his job for six years, but that didn't give him an excuse to act weak. Taking a deep, shaky breath he turned around and asked, "Where's Ducky?"

Jimmy, who was now transferring the liver into something that looked oddly like an oversized bowl, looked up at Tony. Tony felt that sick sensation creeping back up into his stomach and swallowed it down. Jimmy's eyes grew sad, and he handed the bowl to a women Tony hadn't noticed standing in the shadows. She was beautiful in a smart kind of way. She was tall, with blonde hair that was pulled back into a high bun. She was wearing glasses, her eyes wide, and an oversized lab coat.

"He had a stroke last year…" Jimmy began, his voice growing softer. "After that they gave the job to me, and gave me an assistant. Tony, this is Megan. Megan, this is the Tony everyone is talking about."

"Hi." Megan mumbled, gazing at the ground.

Tony didn't even bother saying anything to her. Ducky had a stroke.

Ducky was dead.

The sick sensation crept back into his stomach again, only now it was ten times stronger and radiating from his heart.

Ducky was dead, and he wasn't there for him.

"Tony?" Jimmy asked, concern heavy in his voice. "Are you okay?"

Tony shook his head, "Ducky's dead?"

His head was spinning. Why didn't anyone tell him. Ziva. Gibbs. Vance.

Didn't he deserve to know?

"Oh no!" Jimmy answered quickly, turning red again. "The stroke paralyzed the left side of his body, so he wasn't able to use his left hand. He lives in a retirement home, I can give you the address if you want to go and visit him. I'm sure he would love to see you. He's still the same old Ducky, just only….half.." He finished lamely, and looked at Megan for support. She flashed him the tiniest of smiles, but shook her head.

"I'm sorry, that was…lame." Jimmy apologized.

The sick sensation didn't leave, it didn't even get smaller, because he still hurt. Ducky had a stroke.

"Megan," Jimmy announced proudly, "is my wife." He thrust his arm out in her direction, knocking over the bowl in the process, and the liver came crashing to the ground, landing a mere two feet away from Tony's expensive Italian shoes.

Tony looked at the liver, fighting the urge to keep the breakfast Ziva had made for Tali, which he was allowed to eat, from coming back up.

"Oh no." Jimmy said loudly, diving for the liver.

"I have to go." Tony said stiffly, turning around and practically running to the elevator.

"It was good to see you!" Jimmy yelled after him as the elevator doors opened.

* * *

Ziva stood in the shadows by the door, watching Tony as he talked to Abby and McGee down in Abby's lab. He was talking about a rolling liver, and how disgusting it had been. Abby laughed and laid her hand on top of his shoulder, giving him a huge smile and a gentle squeeze. McGee smiled at the story and rolled his eyes. McGee muttered something under his breath and Tony reached out to slap his hand against the back of McGee's head.

"Hey!" Tim said, falling off the desk he was propped up against. "What was that for?" He reached up to the gently rub the back of his head, pouting.

"I don't know McLoser, it might be for calling me an inexperienced Probie." Tony answered, crossing his arms across his chest.

"But you are acting like one." McGee pointed out, going to stand beside Abby's chair, safely out of Tony's reach.

"Ahh, be nice Timmy." Abby said, slapping her free hand against Tim's shoulder. "He just came home."

Ziva had to stifle a laugh as McGee rubbed his shoulder with one arm and his head with the other. "But he is acting-."

"McGee!" Abby warned.

"Fine, I'm sorry Tony." He sighed, not sounding like he meant it at all.

A small chuckle escaped Ziva.

"What's so funny?" A voice behind her whispered, close to her ear. She whirled around at the sound of her boss's voice, not use to anyone sneaking up on her.

Gibbs saw what Ziva had been watching and allowed himself to smile. "They missed him." He observed.

"We all did." Ziva said simply.

"You missed him." Gibbs pointed out. "More than any of us did."

"I loved him."

"Love, you love him."

Ziva nodded, and turned her attention back to the scene in front of her. It was good to see Tony be himself. To laugh and joke with their friends, not worrying about trying to make everything up to Ziva, not worrying about his daughter.

Fighting with Tony was exhausting.

Everything was silent for a moment, then Ziva turned around to say something, surprised to see that Gibbs had already left. "I love him!" Ziva said firmly to the place where Gibbs had been standing.

"Who do you love?" A soft voice asked from behind her, Tony.

Ziva twirled around to see Tony walking out of Abby's lab, his hands in his pockets. Ziva walked up to him and pressed her lips firmly against his. "I love you." She murmured as she pulled back.

"I love you too." Tony whispered, pulling her in for another kiss, which she eagerly accepted.

Tony and Ziva could hear McGee and Abby squeal as they stood in the hallway kissing, but they didn't care.

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So please review and you'll get your preview on Monday!  
Plus, you'll make me super duper happy! :)  
-Tay


	10. A Past That Haunts

**So, I bet you guys totally hate me, but hopefully this will make it all better :) I know this is the first time I've updated this story in forever, and I'm so sorry, but today I was really missing these characters and just HAD to update. I hope you like chapter ten of _Forgive Me, _and now all sort of drama and stuff shall unfold. I hope you like and don't forget to review! :)**

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"Daddy," a voice whispered, close to Tony's ear, "wake up."

Tony jumped up, swatting at his ear with his hand. The little person started to giggle hysterically, and she jumped on his back. "Mommy said it's time to wake up and smell the chocolate!" She threw her arms around his neck and snuggled against him. He got up and walked down the hall, into the kitchen where Ziva was making breakfast.

"It's time to wake up and smell the _coffee." _Tony corrected. He grimaced and looked at Ziva. "That's something she picked up from you sweet cheeks."

Ziva was standing at the oven, flipping a pancake up in the air. Her wild, curly brown hair was pulled back into a low pony tail. She was humming a low tune to herself, a wide smile spread across her face.

"What are you talking about Tony?" Ziva went behind Tony and took Tali, sitting her in a chair at the table. "I did not make coffee, but I did make _chocolate _pancakes."

"But that's not the…never mind."

Ziva walked over to Tony and handed him a glass of orange juice. "How did you sleep last night, my little hairy butt?"

"Oh, I think you know how I slept," Tony growled, "you snore like a bear!"

"That's not what I mean," Ziva replied sexily as she trailed her finger down his bare chest, she grabbed the top of his pants and yanked him closer to her.

"I slept great," he murmured. He leaned down and kissed Ziva, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Yuck!" Tali squealed.

Tony laughed and pulled away from Ziva. He looked over at Tali, who was already eating her second plate full of chocolate pancakes. "What's so yucky, Tali?"

"Kisses are nasty!"

"But I kiss you all the time," Tony pointed out, taking a seat in front of Tali, "and you don't think that's yucky." Ziva gave him a big stack of pancakes which he eyed hungrily. He instantly started to butter them and drenching them in maple syrup.

"That's different," Tali explained, taking a big gulp of milk, "you are my dad. Moms and dads can kiss their daughters and it's not yucky."

"So mommy and daddy cannot kiss?" Ziva asked, taking her seat beside Tony.

"Nope."

"Wait 'til you start dating, you'll kiss all kinds of boys." Tony said, chewing his mouthful of pancakes.

"No way," Tali cried, "that's so yucky."

"It is true that you will kiss all kinds of boys, and you will love them."

"The only boy I want to kiss is daddy." She leaned across the table and gave Tony a kiss, then leaned over and gave Ziva a kiss. "I'm done!" She leaped off the chair and ran into the other room.

Tony chuckled and looked at Ziva. "That's not going to last long is it?"

"You mean you being the only boy Tali wants to kiss? No, it will not." Tony frowned, his eyes growing hazy. "But I will always want to kiss you."

Ziva leaned over and kissed him, as if to prove her point. This time they weren't interrupted by Tali's squeal but by Tony's phone. He groaned, flipping his phone and putting it up to his ear. "DiNozzo."

"Vance's office, one hour." Gibb's voice growled from the other end.

"Everything okay, Boss?"

Gibbs didn't answer; instead he hung up his phone. Tony listened to the flat line for a moment before hanging up the phone.

"You have to go?"

Tony nodded. He leaned down and kissed Ziva on the forehead. "I love you," then, more loudly, he added "I love you, Tali."

On the way to the naval yard Tony's head was spinning with so many different thoughts. He had been back to work for six months, six glorious, normal months. He wasn't in trouble was he? He didn't think so, he didn't do anything wrong. He was going to get reassigned was he? The last assignment hadn't turned out that great; they were still healing from it.

During the last six months Tony had learned a lot about his daughter. She loved to watch movies, and not just Disney animated movies, which Tony had no problem watching, she also loved the classics. Black and white movies, musicals, action films, you name it and Tali loved it. Tony learned that she only liked blue M&M's, which was also the only color jellybean she didn't like. She liked to use big words, even if she didn't understand there meaning, and she could speak Hebrew as good as she could English. Her and Ziva would sometimes have long, secretive conversations in Hebrew, laughing as Tony struggled to figure out what was being said. Tony and Tali loved the same type of pizza, and they ate it for dinner if Ziva had to work late or if she was busy doing other motherly things that she burnt food or forgot to shop.

Tony loved learning these things about his daughter, and he loved falling back into place with Ziva. It was hard at first, even after she finally told him she loved him. It took her two months before she finally allowed him in her bed again. It took her another month before he had a key to their house. She had just gotten comfortable kissing him in front of Tali, and they were talking about marriage. He didn't want to ruin all of that in one meeting with Vance. No matter what the mission was, or whatever this meeting was about, he would reject it. He didn't want anything to change, he liked everything they way it was.

Tony pulled into his usual parking spot and entered the building. He took the elevator up, astonished at how deserted it was this early on a Sunday. No one was at work, and he didn't like being there either. He walked into Vance's office and could tell right away that it was something serious. Gibbs and Vance were sitting around the table, at opposite ends, with a folder between the two.

"Boss, Director," Tony greeted, giving them a nod of the head. He sat in the chair beside Gibbs and leaned back.

"Agent DiNozzo," Vance said, twirling his tooth pick around before setting it on the table beside him. He picked up the folder and walked behind Tony, slamming the folder down in front of him. "Do you recognize him?"

Tony looked at the photo for a second, then back up at Vance. "You know I do."

The guy in the photo was the leader of the gang Tony was sent to in his undercover assignment. Tony never told Ziva this, but the only reason why he got to come home as soon as he did was because his cover had been blown, by this man in the photo. Once Tony realized his cover was blown he called Vance, who had the police, FBI, and NCIS agents all there to take the men down. His cover had been blown when another undercover cop, turned rogue, ratted him out to save his own life. The man in the photo was sentenced to life in prison with no parole, allowing Tony to sleep well at night. This man was dangerous, the most dangerous in all the gang. One time Tony saw him kill a man, no hesitation on his part, because he put nuts on his ice cream, and he was allergic to nuts. If you asked Tony nuts was no reason to kill a man.

Vance sat in the other chair beside Gibb's and looked at Tony for several seconds before speaking again. "I have some bad news. The man in the photo, Erick Hathaway, has escaped from the naval prison he was being held in, and we have reason to believe that he might be coming after you."

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**Du-du-dummmm.  
I know it's short and I promise the next chapter will be longer :)  
Please review!  
-Tay!**


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